I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
