Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
