I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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