Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
