I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
