making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I need to align my fucking chakras
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
