you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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