I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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