yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
