I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
