You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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