she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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