The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
