Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
