Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
