D3 body, D1 cock
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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