Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
