I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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