is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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