Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
