Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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