$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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