so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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