omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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