I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
