Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
