It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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