how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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