idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
