Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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