kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
