You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
