Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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