What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
