That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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