Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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