He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
