Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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