I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
