dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
