That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
