He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
