I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
