This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
