YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
