Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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