First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just sent this text using only my big toe
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
