i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
