if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just want to make out with him forever
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
