I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So drunk its hurt
Is it because I queefed?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
