He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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