She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
