But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
