The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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