So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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