I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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