My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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