im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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