Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
